I really can't explain it...

Okay, I don't know why I am about to put this on my blog, but I think it's because I would like people to be aware of it and maybe even help me out of it.

I cried the whole ride back from YU. I can't say exactly why I cried, but I did. I think everything just came down on me. I was stressing about school, I hated going to class, I wish I was anywhere but here, I didn't want to leave DJ's apartment and other reasons that I can't come up with right now. I came back to the dorm and went to my room. Of course, the lights were off because the majority of my roomates go to sleep early. I don't mind that too much. What bothers me is that when they go to sleep, I have to go to sleep too, since the lights are off. I could go into the kitchen which happens to have my desk in it, but there's something about sitting in my bed that comforts me. Coming to a pitch black room did not help my little breakdown. I took off my coat, took some tissues and went down to Debra's room. Tiffany wasn't there since she had a family thing. I opened the door and Debra was laying in bed on the phone. She saw my face and told whoever was on the phone that she "can't talk now." She sat up and asked me what was wrong.

I started my blubbering about how I am unhappy here. I hate girls, I hate going to classes...you know, the classic reasons. She tried telling me that a lot of people have the same problems. My issue is that I feel like specific things are bothering me, but I can't explain them to anyone. I think that being in the middle of midterms and not sleeping so much could be reasons why I feel so extra emotional, but I'm not sure. I just want to be home right now. I want to cry to my mother and tell her why I am unhappy. But before I do that I NEED TO KNOW WHY I AM UNHAPPY! I was on the phone for about an hour with a good friend who was on HMS and told me all about it and how much they had gained from it. This friend told me that they are having the same problems. They don't want to be where they are and they're not happy about it. We spoke about taking summer classes so we can get out of college early. We also spoke about how amazing DJ is. (Ooh, I just realized that she could be reading this...DJ, you should know that there are a LOT of people that are in love with you. Just remember that you are MINE!) It was a good conversation. It didn't magically make me feel better, but it was good. After that, I went to sleep in Debra's "guest bed".

I got up at 7:45 and went up to my room. I went over to my roomate and told her what had happened. She told me that she had a breakdown too, but hers happened in the early afternoon. I really hope we can get out of college really really really soon. This can't be good for our health.

That's my story. If anyone wants to help me out...it will be very much appreciated.

Now I am sitting in my first class waiting for the teacher to come in. A few minutes ago, while I was trying to type, there were 5 girls shouting over each other across the room. I really need out of here...I have to make it through the day though. I am going to an arcade near Times Square after school. I can't wait.

(PS JV, thank you so much for the idea for my speech topic. I really appreciated that you cared.)