Stay in school?

I don't like school. I thought I would be able to be academic this semester. I am not off to a good start. I am supposed to be taking 7 courses every semester and I am only taking 6 as of now. I can't rejoin my literature class because I would have to catch up on everything they have done in the past 2 weeks, and I know that I won't do that. Erica is doing it, but I can't. My father is going to be really upset with me. I know that I am digging a deep hole for myself, but I can't handle so much work. I really can't.

It's three weeks into the semester and I'm already going crazy. I am being so negative about school and I don't want to be. I love my roomates and I hope they know that, even when I don't sleep in the dorm, which has been almost every night.

I really want to be done with school in 2 years. I don't want to stay here for longer than I have to. My parents are paying so much for me to be here and I feel like I am wasting their money. I want them to be proud of me. I don't know if screwing myself over makes them feel proud. I miss them so much and I wish I could know that they support me on the decisions I have been making. But, how can I expect their support if I don't have my own?

I really miss Morah Miriam. She e-mails me from Israel and when I read them, it makes me miss her more. I missed a call from her a few days ago, but I hope that she calls again soon. I am so happy that we worked together and bonded in the summer. I really wish I was there with her. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SO FAR AWAY?!? Call me selfish, but I really wish they were here. MIRIAM! COME BACK!

I hope that tonight will cheer me up. Jennifer Weiner (chick book author and DJ's idol) is coming to a bookstore in the city for a reading and book signing. Afterwards, DJ is making a party at Estihana. I want to get my mind off all of this school stuff so I can really enjoy myself.

Am I making a big deal out of nothing? And if it is nothing, then why is it bothering me so much?